26th September - the day my daughter turned 3. Did we celebrate it? No, 'cause she fell ill - high fever, cough etc. She was so ill that she refused to have even Maggi and juice, her all time favorites!!! Though we tried to cheer her up by cutting a small cake, and taking pictures, singing birthday song for her; it was far away from what was the plan :-( So she was at home for full week, as by the time she recovered, I came down with fever. So she went back to her play school yesterday and distributed sweets & gifts to her classmates. She looked gorgeous in her red dress!
Yesterday was one of those days when something, that you can't put your finger on, disturbs you and makes you feel sad. May be it was the fact that even in school, Chunchu's birthday was not celebrated on the day we had planned, and the way I had thought it would be. Then, a moment came when, lost in thoughts, talking to myself, I stumbled upon a truth about myself, a realization that made me feel all the more miserable. I had a feeling that somehow God has left me and I am not able to connect to Him as I could few years back. He is not guiding me anymore as He used to. And then, I developed migraine...and the whole afternoon and evening just went by in pain, taking painkillers didn't help much. So all in all, the day was not good. Yet something happened at night, which made me relook into things.
I was putting my daughter to sleep. She was almost asleep. She took my hand, caressed her cheeks with it, and then held it close to her, as if telling me that she won't let me go, ever. And, my eyes filled with tears, as I knew she was not doing it consciously, her eyes were closed and she was already asleep. At that moment, through those tears, I saw something very clear - God is showering His love upon me through her. It dawned on me that God manifests Himself in many ways, but sometimes we are too busy to notice. Then I remembered. In the evening, I had just asked Chunchu if she would always be with me. I was in so much pain that I needed her assurance! Imagine, a grown up asking a 3 year old such a question! The point is that my daughter not only assured me at that time she would always be there, but she confirmed it in her sleep also. Ohh, kids are just great. They really are a gift of God to us.
Last night, I slept very soundly, after many days.
