As a child, I almost never read any non-fiction or self-help books, but I remember reading one particular book, which contained quite a few interesting concepts. I have not forgotten them till date, though I have read number of such books since then. Of course, I still believe that these self-help books mainly contain what we have been reading in 'Gita', things which we already know, but never implement or may be do not understand. But then, such books simplify these things we know, they explain them and help us to implement them in a simple and logical way.
Coming back to the concepts in that book, I do not even remember the name of it. Anyway, there were few things that stayed with me and that I have observed to be so true. Some of them are:
"When you do not like something someone said or did, you can throw it in your 'mental trash bin'." It is very difficult to actually forget something without thinking of it. Then, the whole purpose of forgetting goes waste. So, sometimes you can fool your mind by marking certain things as 'for trash'. If you practise this for sometime, the mind gets habitual and understands that once something gets marked 'for trash', it is not supposed to be remembered.
"When you cannot solve your problems, go ahead and solve someone else's, so that you get some space to bury your own." Well, I observed that my problem was there to stay, but I helped someone in their issues. So, finally the result was that I got so involved in finding solution to their problems, that for sometime I forgot my own. Plus, my mind came into the 'solution-searching' mode, so it became easier to solve my own problem. Of course, getting away from my own issues also helped me relax and find some peace.
"You are not the only one with a set of problems; someone else might be facing similar ones, so learn from them." How true is this! Sometimes, when you look around, you see that many people might be facing similar issues as yourself, and by observing these people, you get ideas on how to resolve your own issues. Also, the knowledge that you are not alone in your pain, somehow makes it easier to bear.
There are so many small things that you might have known all along, or may be learnt some time in the past, and you realize the importance of those lessons only when you face a situation in life, which makes use of that knowledge. All such events strengthen my belief that no knowledge ever goes waste. Ever!
As a friend said to me some time back, that there is one basic difference between me and the people of my generation brought up under similar circumstances - that I read a lot. Yes, books do change a lot in one, if one is ready to learn. And we should be grateful to be living in an era where books (and hence, knowledge) is so easily accessible.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Why Happiness is Illusive?
Many of us, many times in life, have asked ourselves this question. Why am I not happy with all that I have? Why do I want more all the time? And almost all of us have found different ways to answer the question, yet how many of us are truly happy in this moment? Not many.
I have read a lot on happiness. I have followed different advices and different ways to be happy. Many a times, I have failed. For the first few days of starting a new approach, I am successful and pretty proud of myself in being able to implement what I have learnt. But when the realities of life strike, I fail. Now, the reason is not that I was doing something wrong or there was anything wrong with the approach. Every approach has helped many people. That is precisely why there are so many courses and books dealing with the subject. But then, that is also precisely why there are so many; because every person cannot be helped in only one way. All of us are different in so many obvious and subtle ways, that we need different things and ways to be happy. Also, if you ask the people who have found happiness in some way or the other, they will tell you it was not sudden and it was not only in one way. They might have taken years to reach that state of mind, and they might have taken number of courses, read several books before something really clicked for them. But one thing is for certain. These people always found happiness when they stopped searching it around and searched it within. Another advice that we have heard too often! Yes, but then did we ever try to understand what it means for us?
The first step on the way to happiness is to identify what brings happiness to us; this is what most books and courses tell us. Well, I disagree. I think, in trying to find the source of happiness for myself, I am trying to tie my happiness to just one thing, or just a few things. But happiness need not be tied to events, achievements, material or even spiritual reasons. Being happy should mean being content with myself all the time, being glad all the time. Impossible, when you have to deal with so many disappointments in everyday life, when there are so many people around you trying to bring you tears etc. Right? My answer to that question is: so what? So what I am not rich enough to travel the world; so what I am not beautiful enough to be the most popular girl in my circle; so what I am not successful enough to make every person envious of me; so what I am not a man with the prettiest wife, or a woman with the ideal husband; so what if my kids did not turn out the way I wanted them to…so what? There are so many ‘so what’ questions that each one of us can ask ourselves and then, we will see that our happiness, or peace, or contentment really does not depend on any of the things that we have made ourselves believe to be most important to us. Only then we will see that we can be happy despite everything and with nothing. There is only one thing that determines your happiness – you. The first step to happiness is to decide to be happy. If I tell myself every single day that I am happy, no matter what, and my happiness just depends on me, and my desire to be happy; I will be happy.
Of course, there will be disappointments, there will be hurts, there will be losses, and there will be negative thoughts and feelings. There might even be huge failures. But all this is just a part of life. Our thoughts, feelings, failures, successes, losses, gains etc are not life itself. So, if we take them as just a part of being, a part of living, these things will not make us sad. They might make us feel bad for a few moments, but then, that’s also part of being human. We cannot always have the same emotion going on inside us, all the time. Emotions change, so do situations. But happiness does not depend upon them. Happiness depends just on me and my desire to be happy. So, I am happy.
I have read a lot on happiness. I have followed different advices and different ways to be happy. Many a times, I have failed. For the first few days of starting a new approach, I am successful and pretty proud of myself in being able to implement what I have learnt. But when the realities of life strike, I fail. Now, the reason is not that I was doing something wrong or there was anything wrong with the approach. Every approach has helped many people. That is precisely why there are so many courses and books dealing with the subject. But then, that is also precisely why there are so many; because every person cannot be helped in only one way. All of us are different in so many obvious and subtle ways, that we need different things and ways to be happy. Also, if you ask the people who have found happiness in some way or the other, they will tell you it was not sudden and it was not only in one way. They might have taken years to reach that state of mind, and they might have taken number of courses, read several books before something really clicked for them. But one thing is for certain. These people always found happiness when they stopped searching it around and searched it within. Another advice that we have heard too often! Yes, but then did we ever try to understand what it means for us?
The first step on the way to happiness is to identify what brings happiness to us; this is what most books and courses tell us. Well, I disagree. I think, in trying to find the source of happiness for myself, I am trying to tie my happiness to just one thing, or just a few things. But happiness need not be tied to events, achievements, material or even spiritual reasons. Being happy should mean being content with myself all the time, being glad all the time. Impossible, when you have to deal with so many disappointments in everyday life, when there are so many people around you trying to bring you tears etc. Right? My answer to that question is: so what? So what I am not rich enough to travel the world; so what I am not beautiful enough to be the most popular girl in my circle; so what I am not successful enough to make every person envious of me; so what I am not a man with the prettiest wife, or a woman with the ideal husband; so what if my kids did not turn out the way I wanted them to…so what? There are so many ‘so what’ questions that each one of us can ask ourselves and then, we will see that our happiness, or peace, or contentment really does not depend on any of the things that we have made ourselves believe to be most important to us. Only then we will see that we can be happy despite everything and with nothing. There is only one thing that determines your happiness – you. The first step to happiness is to decide to be happy. If I tell myself every single day that I am happy, no matter what, and my happiness just depends on me, and my desire to be happy; I will be happy.
Of course, there will be disappointments, there will be hurts, there will be losses, and there will be negative thoughts and feelings. There might even be huge failures. But all this is just a part of life. Our thoughts, feelings, failures, successes, losses, gains etc are not life itself. So, if we take them as just a part of being, a part of living, these things will not make us sad. They might make us feel bad for a few moments, but then, that’s also part of being human. We cannot always have the same emotion going on inside us, all the time. Emotions change, so do situations. But happiness does not depend upon them. Happiness depends just on me and my desire to be happy. So, I am happy.
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