The Year that was...

Some years are very eventful in one's life...some of them in positive way, some in not-so-good way, and then, there are others where you can't decide. 2010 qualified in the last category and though it is now over, I am yet to figure how things changed in my life. Lots changed, actually.

I still remember the beginning...when I sat in Qatar in the comfortable couch of my cozy home, I did not know life was headed this way. I think I didn't have any expectations that time. I was just OK to be there, being a home-maker, taking care of my kids. When I look back, I think I was well adjusted to that way of life too. I liked it to an extent, except for when once in a while, I used to wonder if I would ever have a job again.

Long back when I finished college, I was this ambitious girl, having a clear defined path in front of me. But then, marriage took over everything else. Then, I had kids and that girl with a fire inside, was shoved away by the mother that took over. And I was happy. Yet, sometimes, the little girl would raise her head and ask, "Can I come out now? Is it time for me to make a mark?" The answer was always - not now, maybe later. And so went by the days of 2009, and 2010 started on the same note.

Something good happened in the beginning of last year. I re-found the passion of writing and started doing it seriously. I would read a lot, prepare some random notes about things I read, what I liked and what I thought different about etc. Along with that, I started writing in a local magazine in Qatar. An opportunity that meant a lot to me. At least that part was perfect. And I was so inspired, I started working on my novel. Well, all that data was lost but then, at least a path was lit in front of me.

Another wonderful thing that happened was when Chunchu's medicine finally stopped. Oh God, how I had prayed during that entire duration of two years!

But as happens with life, things changed when they were totally unexpected. I came back to India, for good. And began the search for a perfect job. Got one, though I am not sure if it is perfect, but it is good enough :-) My, those days were tough. Job hunting is not easy, specially if you have two breaks in your career, and you have location constraints because of young kids. Yet, as a friend used to say at that time...it was just a matter of time. Indeed it was, but those 3 months seemed pretty long. The afternoons of anticipation, the nights of hard-work paid off and I again found a focus.

This time though something different happened. First, I did not let myself lose the path that I have been missing for so long. So I kept writing. I wrote stories, articles, and even started writing another novel. And I did another thing different this time. I shared my work with people. I have always wanted to be a writer; but for the first time, I actually took some steps towards that dream.

So many other things changed last year. Chunchu and Shiku got busy with school and each-other. They grew so fast this year, or perhaps, I wasn't there to see each small change so it seemed like that. Working mothers do miss a little this and that of their kids' growing years. But that's a sacrifice for giving them a good life. Anyway, I intend to make up for that with my grandchildren :-)

I changed a lot as a person. Perhaps, sometimes tough times brings out a different you, or may be because I read so much that somehow some good things stayed in my mind and helped me get over with tough times and hard realities of life. They say you mature with age, I think it is the situations that make you what you become. And yes, for the first time in so many years, I learned to be happy, despite the external factors. I learnt so many lessons in life in this past one year that would have not happened had I not taken one necessary step of courage. I am glad I did.

Difficulties also bring opportunities along. And sometimes, they bring back to you some old friends too. New ones came my way and old ones came back. And there were those who had stayed and remained. There were those who I thought were very good friends and who suddenly turned away...to disappear. As I always used to say - friends are for phases. They go away when one phase is over, but those who stay across phases are the ones that are to be cherished. And if you find even one such friend, you are lucky!

Though there have been bad days and very bad days, there have been good days and wonderful days too. And the fact the latter have been more frequent and more in number makes it all worth it. There have been struggles, external and internal, yet the result they have produced are good to see. I have learnt to be in touch with myself, I have learnt to accept life's challenges with a smile, I have learnt to look inside myself for the push to go on, I have learnt to live one day at a time and I have once again learnt to enjoy the peace that comes from the knowledge that someone is looking after you. They say tough times make you closer to God. It is true, but they also teach you to be closer to yourself - this I have learnt.

Another small first that needs a mention here - my car! Sometimes, materialistic things do make you happy :-)

2011 also has a lot in store and I can already see it. I am looking forward to whatever life offers me - good, bad, lessons, learning, joys, disappointments...it's a package deal after all!