There is so much said about the position, rights and safety of women in our society. Yet, there seems to be ever going incidences of violence against women at their own homes. Or may be, such kind of incidences are coming to light more often than they used to in earlier days. Perhaps, then, women used to take it for granted that they would NOT be treated nicely once they left their parents' home. What I do not understand is why we have been putting up with this nonsensical behavior towards us and still do? Why do we not have the courage to say goodbye when we become a victim to domestic violence the first time? Of course, there are reasons and justifications, and someone will say every one's situation is different. But in my opinion, all said and done, we women are weak to stand up for ourselves. All through our lives, we stand up for others - parents, husband, in-laws, kids. But when it comes to fighting for our own rights, we lose courage and confidence.
The first thought that comes to a woman's mind after her husband/in-laws hit her is - may be it was MY fault; may be they were too angry; may be this is just a one-off incidence...and so begins the perfect plan of laying down and taking it. This results in severe consequences - increase in frequency and intensity of 'abuse'; plus, effect on our self-esteem. Every now and then, there is a suicide or murder, resulting from abusive behavior, about which we read in the newspaper, discuss for few days and forget.
There is one woman who, after her son hit his wife, commented "Who takes beating laying low these days. Today's women are too modern." When I heard this, I wanted to slap this woman hard across her face and let her take the beating for everyone else, as she was so keen on justifying the violence! Women like her take various roles in our society - the meddlesome, dominating mother-in-law, the greedy or sleazy sister-in-law, the blood-sucking boss etc. and then, they start the crusade of torturing other women by manipulating circumstances and men whom they can influence. Yes, more than men, women are responsible for being treated the way they are in our society. And this is going to continue until women decide to stop it altogether. We have to take strong steps towards those who harass us in any manner, even if it means taking the wrath of the so-called conservationists in the society.
And mind you, harassment is not only physical, it is mental too. In fact, the latter is more dangerous than the former. First, it is not very obvious to the onlookers and second, we manage to convince ourselves (or may be the person insulting us does) that probably we are over reacting to some jokes, we can't take criticism etc. But then, think about it. If your husband constantly tells you that you are no good for anything, you don't know how to cook, how to clean etc etc; if your mother-in-law always makes a point of criticising you in front of a number of guests; your brother-in-law is always on the lookout for some extra 'favor', isn't that harassment as well? And to top it all, these 'jokes' always manage to make you and your family seem like shit. Then, I think, it is high time you paid attention to your own feelings rather than listening and blindly believing to the crap that you are too sensitive or you don't have a sense of humor!
In the end, it is I who is responsible for the life I create for myself, it is I who has to fight against wrong being done to me and it is I who is to be blamed if I lose courage in the moment of decision.
To all women out there who are suffering in silence, I beseech you to end this violence and save yourself from the suffering. Stand up for yourself and make a good life for you and your loved ones - kids and parents! For, if a mother or a daughter suffers, it not only spoils her life, but also that of those who genuinely care for her and those who look upon her to provide them with a meaning to their lives. Think about it.
