Things I Love...

 It is a long list, but from the every day small things, here are some that I love the most:

• I love it when Chunchu smiles at me, even in her sleep.
• I love it when Shiku wants a bite from my plate, even though he just had his meal.
• I love it when Chunchu comes up, hugs me and says, "mom, plz hug me. I love you."
• I love it when Shiku fights to sit in my lap, if Chunchu got there first.
• I love it when Chunchu copies me and repeats the same words with same expressions, while playing the mother to her dolls.
• I love it when Shiku imitates her, and falls short 'cause all his words begin with only vowels (he can say the consonants, but doesn't).
• I love it when Chunchu suddenly tells me, "Mom you are so good".
• I love it when Shiku demands me to appreciate him if I praise Chunchu.
• I love it how they fight to get my attention, all the time (makes me feel soooo loved).
• I love it how they cuddle each-other and stand for each-other when they expect a punishment for doing some mischief.
• I love it how they are always fighting with each-other all the time, yet they are more than ready to fight with everything that hurt the other (meaning walls, floor, doors etc).

Basically, I love everything about them and their being in my life. Looking back, I wonder how incomplete I was till they arrived.

Murder for Honor?

I was surprised, rather shocked how the newspaper now-a-days carries at least one piece of an 'honor killing' every single day! It is even a shame to call this heinous act of crime as 'honor' killing. I am sure there is no honor behind these, but just ego. Ego of those who think their children betrayed them, ego of those who have no way better to prove themselves useful to the society! For me, it is unfathomable how anyone can kill their own flesh and blood!
Since the time one becomes a parent, all he or she thinks about is how to protect their kids, how to give them everything they want, how to just be there for them. And the only worry that a parent has is 'God forbid, if something happens to my child'. How can such a parent even think of harming that very child, for whatever reasons? There is nothing in this world, no amount of sacrifice you might have done for your kids, no amount of hurt they have caused you, that justifies this act. And to top it all, such people claim to be doing good to the society!!! I simply don't get it at all.
You know what would be actually good for the society? That everyone married as per their own wishes, and many people married in different castes and religions. That would make our country truly secular and safe. The children born of these marriages would be raised as just Indians, not a Hindu, Muslim or Sikh, or a Jat, Punjabi or whatever. They would be more tolerant towards the others' beliefs. That would make a tolerant society...may be even a loving nation, without any communal differences, and riots.
May we Indians get this sooner than later and for once, start thinking beyond caste, creed and religion to stand as one nation.

30!

As a kid, you always wait for the milestones in your life. Like, you know, sweet sixteen, adulthood, the twenties etc. As you get older, it's just another year added to your life span. Birthdays kind of lose their charm. Yes, but they nevertheless happen. So I turned 30. Hmmm...feel old by Indian standards, but still feel as if I just started living! The day was not at all exciting, yet there were surprises. Three surprise calls, from the friends of all important phases - a school friend, a college friend and an Infy friend called unexpectedly to give their wishes, and encouragement too :-)
The greatest part though was cutting the cake, because the kids were so excited with mom's big day that they ate all the icing off the cake even before formally cutting it :-P And, the happiness they felt in doing so made me 10 years younger. The visit to the temple and gurudwara after several years made the day complete. (There was a time when I used to visit these holy places everyday!)
You know, I have traditionally done what one is expected to do in India by the time they hit 30s. I got a decent education, good work experience with known companies, got married, had kids. So, it's time to do the unconventional now! Write a book, adventure sports, learn musical instruments or professional dancing...stuff that make up the dreams! Perhaps I started dreaming late; or rather started taking my dreams seriously quite late, yet it's better late than never. And that means I have less time to realize them and hence am in kind of rush to make it all happen...phew.
Staying at home gives one a chance to think a lot, and I was anyway a brooder, so got me deep into the process. That made me realize a few things. Our growing up conditions our minds in such a way that we cannot never be really happy without feeling guilty. I guess the happiness is elusive here. It's not like that everyone cannot be happy together. If everyone started with themselves, then eventually it will spread. Of course, some people just can't take this. Like the so called saviors of morality in our society. That's for some other serious post. This one ends on the note - wishing myself a year and a lifetime of happiness, health and prosperity. And as a friend said - a wonderful career, strong and healthy kids, a lifetime of happiness!
Another wonderful wish by my little sis - may the coming years bring so much happiness, peace and success that all the hardships of last few years are wiped off.

Chunchu's first Henna

Whenever I go to the market for any purpose, Chunchu always accompanies me. Yesterday, I had to shop for her only; so she had to go for sure. My cousin wanted to apply henna to her palms and she went with us. Of course, Chunchu had to follow suit. To be frank, I really love to indulge my daughter in such girly things. So even she hadn't asked for it, I would have :-)
So Chunchu got her palms decorated with a beautiful henna design, and we took a rickshaw back home, me holding her hands all the way so that the henna is not spoilt! Well, as I said before, indulgence of this kind makes me swell with happiness and I do not take it casually.
Back home, she showed the design to everyone and of course, everyone said she looked pretty. But then, she washed the henna off pretty soon as she wanted to try her new dress. I tried to coax her into letting it be for another hour, but can you really tell kids what to do, if there is a brand new dress waiting to be tried? So she did what she wanted to, and I thought 'there goes the chance of getting a good color'. The indulgent mother in me wanted everything to be perfect. After all, it was Chunchu's first henna!
But just before I went to sleep last night, I looked at her decorated palms, having the perfect brown color of henna, and I kissed them. The small hands looked so pretty that I kept studying the pattern for a couple of minutes.I reminisced about my childhood days when we used to wait for 'karwa chauth' or 'teej' when we could get a chance to apply henna to our palms. Of course, the professional henna artists were not so common those days, so we kind of adjusted with the designs applied by mom, or one of us girls. My sister was the most preferred artist, as she had the natural talent. I, on the other hand, am not even able to hold the henna cone properly!
Though it might seem to be a small thing to an outsider, we mothers have this habit of dwelling over and rejoicing in the 'firsts' of our children ( I guess it is more often with daughters, simply because they have more occasions of this kind). So the need to record my daughter's first stint with the henna.

So little time...

And so much to do! I love being busy and I enjoy being occupied with a lot of things as that gives me an opportunity to test and enhance my limits. These days are the same - job hunting, writing stories and a book too. Of course, the kids are a full-time job, so the days are really busy :-) Sometimes I really wish I were a superwoman who had no need for sleep so that I could use those 7 hours for working towards my dreams. A far-fetched thought, yet maybe...:-)

For the first time in my life, I am really confident about being able to realize my dreams. Before this, there was always something that was more important, or someone who mattered more than what I truly desired to do, or someone/something that created obstacles in my path whenever I tried to venture onto the path towards success.

The wonderful thing is once you start doing what you love to do, you have all the time and energy to give sufficient importance to people as well as other tasks. It is simple and yet amazing how you can give more love when you are content from inside. We have all always known this fact yet we keep ignoring it and hence, suffer. So why not try loving yourself and pampering yourself before you set out to do this for others?

I must have read and remembered many quotes over the years, yet there are some which manifest their true meaning only when the situation is right. Recently, I read something that said it is best to start from zero and that is when you achieve the most. Well, I am already seeing the benefits though there are no end-results yet; but there certainly are achievements.

How many of us can actually ask oneself a question "Am I happy?" and answer in the affirmative almost all the time? Well, that's the ultimate goal!

Sometimes, my mind too plays games with me and tells me - why the hell are you not stressed? Your life is not exactly rosy and satisfactory? I reply back - well, at least I have the means to make it exactly as I wish!

To life, I say - 'I am ready, let's play! Give me a chance to make what I wanted to, give me a chance to make the best of you! Let me surrender and emerge a winner; let me give and achieve; let me be happy and spread joy! On my death bed, let me look you into the eye and say - yes, I lived you to the fullest and I am ready to depart from this world!'

Points to Remember

There are a few things which I want to write down, that came up while having a chat with a very good friend. Here they are:

1. Knowing is just not enough. You have to implement what you know. True! I might be an Einstein in my thoughts, but what do I get out of it until I get to actually try what I know?
2. Take responsibility and make a choice. If you hold yourself, and only yourself responsible for whatever happened to you, whatever you did wrong or right, whatever turned out to be good or bad, it is easier to redefine your reality. The next step is to make a choice. Choose to love, choose to live, choose to be successful, and choose to live your dreams. It's your life after all.
3. Watch what you tell yourself. After all, our mind is just like a computer. You will get from it what you feed into it. Sometimes, we might be feeding contradictory things to our conscious and subconscious minds. It is not enough to say positive things to yourself until you truly believe in them. But then, when you keep saying and thinking positive, it will became a habit and will get embedded into your subconscious mind too.
4. When you are aware of your emotions, and can separate yourself from your feelings, it is easier to handle them. Well, I have known this for a long time, yet I am still learning...am going to be there soon.
5. When you set personal goals, time them. It's weird how we do everything else with a time limit in mind, like getting up and going to work, project work in office, meeting someone, going to a party etc. Yet when it comes to self improvement, all we say is I will achieve such and such goal but it might be a slow process. Why does it have to be slow? Why can't we bring a sense of urgency in this as well, as we do for other mundane things in life. Well, even I did not think of many things that way...it's time to time the actions :-)
6. You are not what others expect you to be. You are what you truly wish to be and you have every right to be your best. There is one thing I have observed in life. Most of the people resist change, because of fear. We are scared to get into the unknown. But then, that's where you find the treasure!
7. If you are not satisfied with the way things are, it is always not a good option to change the situation. Sometimes, just changing yourself could be a better option and if you still want to change the situation, go ahead and do it. For instance, being unhappy in a job or relationship, you might want to change the job or give the relationship a break. But then, if the issue lies within you, the situation will not improve. First look into yourself, and then make a choice. It's back to choices again :-)
8. Delayed gratification is OK when it's for some higher goal. But rest of the time, enjoy life to the fullest each moment... you never know when it will end, without a notice!
9. If you plan, plan grand. If you wish, wish grander. If you desire and fantasize, let there be no bounds. After all, you are entitled to get the best out of life.
10. If you face an issue, take it as a challenge. Don't get into 'blame game' but into the solution-oriented mode. It's the easier and less stressful way.