But then, who am I to comment? I am a bloody NRI!

Well, yes, I am an NRI. People might say I have no right to say what's wrong with my country and how we should improve things, since I took off at the first opportunity I had. Yes, I am not there to make the difference and I am not there to feel the pain. But is this all entirely true? NO.
To draw an analogy, consider this. Fifteen years from now, my children will probably leave my home and go to stay somewhere else for their studies/job etc. I will not be physically with them to share their joys and pains. But that wouldn't stop me from being there emotionally. I will be supporting them in everything to the best of my abilities. I will pray for them every day. And above all, I will feel all their emotions just like I do today. And they will always know that I am there for them whenever they need me.

I know there are so many things wrong with my country. There is corruption, there is dishonesty, lawlessness, crimes...the list is very long. But then, on the other hand, there is goodness too. In my life, I have encountered several little incidents which established my faith in the system, or in the people. I have experienced those touching moments when I thanked God for being there for me, in the form of another human being. But those are tidbits of my life. If we see on a bigger scale, there are noble people, honest officers (government and private sector). There are big names and then, there are those names, whose good acts get lost on the 3rd or the 4th page of a news daily. There are those who lay their lives for the dignity of a woman; there are those who give shelter and care for the homeless; there are those who make it easy for a person to rebuild their life after a traumatic experience and there are those who do things directly for the country (like soldiers, scientists etc).

And such mix of good and bad will always be there in any country, anywhere in the world. Just because my motherland has some flaws, I should not hate it. I still love my country, despite all the bad things there, it is still my home. I will draw the analogy again. My children, my parents, my siblings, my friends and my relatives also have flaws but that doesn't mean I love them less. I love them nonetheless. Similarly, I love India, even with its flaws. And I think it is as much my responsibility as a right to do something about those flaws. The only reason things have not improved greatly in my country is because we take respite in inaction, in complaining, in discussing about those "bad" things. How many of us actually turn our words into actions and how much are we ready to put at stake for getting the country rid of those flaws? I included, the citizens of any country are responsible for the way it is. Though I agree that if everyone in the governing bodies did what they were supposed to do, even to 60-70% extent of their capabilities, India would be a great country. I agree that in a perfect world, India would be a developed nation after six decades of its independence from the British rule. I also agree that the government and the dignitaries/leaders of the society are not doing their bit. But one thing I do not agree with is that they are solely responsible for what is happening in my nation. For the starter, who chose them to come in power? Who re-chose them even after they showed their real colors? Who gave them an impression that the common man of this country is an impotent person, incapable of fighting for his own rights? Who made them invincible?

OK, may be not every single person is responsible for all that is wrong, but as a society, as a people of a nation, we all have to take the onus - of the way things are and of the way things should be. Until we do so, we should not be talking only negative things about our country. Until we intend to make the things right, in every small way we can, we do not have any right to complain about every single thing! Imagine if Mother Teresa, Gandhiji, Abdul Kalam or Anna thought like us and just sat there complaining....what would India turn out to be?

There is so much more I can write on this topic, there is so much more I have inside me but then, who am I to comment? What did I really do for my country? I am a bloody NRI!

Another Year older

When we are children, all of us look forward to growing up fast. We want to be adults, take our own decisions and feel that it would give us a lot of freedom to be a grown-up. Little do we know that the most freedom we experience is when we are young and there are only a few things like studies and friends to worry about. As we grow older, we tend to become slaves to our habits, thinking, attitude and worst, to the norms of society. We lose the freedom to live our day as we wish, since we have so many responsibilities to take care of. First there is job, then marriage, then children and so on. When this happens, we want to go back to being children! I guess that's how it is with most of us.

I also go through these thoughts once in a while when I look at my children and see how free they are. Their problems are really so small (of course, they seem to be big to them) and how simple it is to resolve them. When Chunchu asks my advice on something in her school or shares her concerns over her friends with me, I think about how I used to feel about these things at her age. These little things seemed to be overwhelming and I understand what she must be feeling. Hence I tell her that I also went through all this and I assure her that however big these problems look, they will pass and she will be at peace again. She believes and becomes her own happy self again. How simple it is to be content at that tender age! Sometimes, I wish I could be so content, happy and believing and now, I am ready to give up on this 'grown-up' thing to achieve that peace. But I know, it is impossible. You can never turn back time.

Irony of life is that we always want to be in some other time. Yet, I now understand one thing. If I lose this time in thinking too much about how much I would like to be in some other time, then there is a high probability that 10 years from now, I would be thinking of coming back to this time :-) So I try to be happy within this moment and do my best of what I have learnt from life.

I remember when I was in my early 20s, I used to feel being above 30 would mean being old. In India, anyways when people have children and when they turned 30, that is what they used to say. I heard my parents say it, some relatives say it and many acquaintances say it. But surprisingly, I don't feel that I am old because I am over 30 and I already have children. Of course, some people I meet give me that expression of "How old is she...she has 2 children!" Most of them tell me, "You don't look that old!" And I am like, "How old don't I look?" I never think of this as compliment and many times, I tell them my age. Wouldn't it be better if they just asked straightforward! And the truth is there are some people I know who haven't started a family though they are as old as I am and many of these women who have asked me this question are themselves just 2 years younger to me! Well, we Indians are like that - hypocrite and nosy! Anyway, that's not the point of this post.

I am rejoicing in the fact that I have what I can call a content existence in terms of job, family and ordinary things of life. But as I grow older and I realize that time is flying by, I feel some part of me is calling out to me. It keeps nudging me and I know it's right in asking me how many of my goals I have been able to fulfill. In my growing up years and now also, I have always felt the suffering of people across the globe whenever I read about these things. I am particularly touched by any injustice happening to women and children. I feel God has blessed me with so many good things in life, isn't it my duty to spread that happiness and goodness to others. It is not about making a difference at a large scale, but if each one of us can give back to the society just a little bit, the world would be so much a better place to live in.

Some people spend years in finding out what they want to do, and then there are others like me who know, yet are not doing it. Isn't that worse? There are so many reasons and excuses I give myself - I have a family to take care of; I have children and hence, duties; I have to first be somebody etc. I am not sure if these are legitimate doubts or if I am just being lazy to make drastic changes in my life. But sometimes, I really wonder, what if I postpone all the wishes and ambitions to tomorrow, and there is no tomorrow? What if I suddenly depart from this world, and I haven't fulfilled what I really wanted to? My hubby has an interesting theory about this state of mind. He asked me if I do die suddenly, would I repent all that I haven't done? I replied of course not, since I would be dead and there is nothing after that! So he quips, "Then, why do you worry so much about all this. Be content!" :-)
Well, that's what exactly I have to learn and achieve, perhaps through following my dreams!