Many of us, many times in life, have asked ourselves this question. Why am I not happy with all that I have? Why do I want more all the time? And almost all of us have found different ways to answer the question, yet how many of us are truly happy in this moment? Not many.
I have read a lot on happiness. I have followed different advices and different ways to be happy. Many a times, I have failed. For the first few days of starting a new approach, I am successful and pretty proud of myself in being able to implement what I have learnt. But when the realities of life strike, I fail. Now, the reason is not that I was doing something wrong or there was anything wrong with the approach. Every approach has helped many people. That is precisely why there are so many courses and books dealing with the subject. But then, that is also precisely why there are so many; because every person cannot be helped in only one way. All of us are different in so many obvious and subtle ways, that we need different things and ways to be happy. Also, if you ask the people who have found happiness in some way or the other, they will tell you it was not sudden and it was not only in one way. They might have taken years to reach that state of mind, and they might have taken number of courses, read several books before something really clicked for them. But one thing is for certain. These people always found happiness when they stopped searching it around and searched it within. Another advice that we have heard too often! Yes, but then did we ever try to understand what it means for us?
The first step on the way to happiness is to identify what brings happiness to us; this is what most books and courses tell us. Well, I disagree. I think, in trying to find the source of happiness for myself, I am trying to tie my happiness to just one thing, or just a few things. But happiness need not be tied to events, achievements, material or even spiritual reasons. Being happy should mean being content with myself all the time, being glad all the time. Impossible, when you have to deal with so many disappointments in everyday life, when there are so many people around you trying to bring you tears etc. Right? My answer to that question is: so what? So what I am not rich enough to travel the world; so what I am not beautiful enough to be the most popular girl in my circle; so what I am not successful enough to make every person envious of me; so what I am not a man with the prettiest wife, or a woman with the ideal husband; so what if my kids did not turn out the way I wanted them to…so what? There are so many ‘so what’ questions that each one of us can ask ourselves and then, we will see that our happiness, or peace, or contentment really does not depend on any of the things that we have made ourselves believe to be most important to us. Only then we will see that we can be happy despite everything and with nothing. There is only one thing that determines your happiness – you. The first step to happiness is to decide to be happy. If I tell myself every single day that I am happy, no matter what, and my happiness just depends on me, and my desire to be happy; I will be happy.
Of course, there will be disappointments, there will be hurts, there will be losses, and there will be negative thoughts and feelings. There might even be huge failures. But all this is just a part of life. Our thoughts, feelings, failures, successes, losses, gains etc are not life itself. So, if we take them as just a part of being, a part of living, these things will not make us sad. They might make us feel bad for a few moments, but then, that’s also part of being human. We cannot always have the same emotion going on inside us, all the time. Emotions change, so do situations. But happiness does not depend upon them. Happiness depends just on me and my desire to be happy. So, I am happy.
I have read a lot on happiness. I have followed different advices and different ways to be happy. Many a times, I have failed. For the first few days of starting a new approach, I am successful and pretty proud of myself in being able to implement what I have learnt. But when the realities of life strike, I fail. Now, the reason is not that I was doing something wrong or there was anything wrong with the approach. Every approach has helped many people. That is precisely why there are so many courses and books dealing with the subject. But then, that is also precisely why there are so many; because every person cannot be helped in only one way. All of us are different in so many obvious and subtle ways, that we need different things and ways to be happy. Also, if you ask the people who have found happiness in some way or the other, they will tell you it was not sudden and it was not only in one way. They might have taken years to reach that state of mind, and they might have taken number of courses, read several books before something really clicked for them. But one thing is for certain. These people always found happiness when they stopped searching it around and searched it within. Another advice that we have heard too often! Yes, but then did we ever try to understand what it means for us?
The first step on the way to happiness is to identify what brings happiness to us; this is what most books and courses tell us. Well, I disagree. I think, in trying to find the source of happiness for myself, I am trying to tie my happiness to just one thing, or just a few things. But happiness need not be tied to events, achievements, material or even spiritual reasons. Being happy should mean being content with myself all the time, being glad all the time. Impossible, when you have to deal with so many disappointments in everyday life, when there are so many people around you trying to bring you tears etc. Right? My answer to that question is: so what? So what I am not rich enough to travel the world; so what I am not beautiful enough to be the most popular girl in my circle; so what I am not successful enough to make every person envious of me; so what I am not a man with the prettiest wife, or a woman with the ideal husband; so what if my kids did not turn out the way I wanted them to…so what? There are so many ‘so what’ questions that each one of us can ask ourselves and then, we will see that our happiness, or peace, or contentment really does not depend on any of the things that we have made ourselves believe to be most important to us. Only then we will see that we can be happy despite everything and with nothing. There is only one thing that determines your happiness – you. The first step to happiness is to decide to be happy. If I tell myself every single day that I am happy, no matter what, and my happiness just depends on me, and my desire to be happy; I will be happy.
Of course, there will be disappointments, there will be hurts, there will be losses, and there will be negative thoughts and feelings. There might even be huge failures. But all this is just a part of life. Our thoughts, feelings, failures, successes, losses, gains etc are not life itself. So, if we take them as just a part of being, a part of living, these things will not make us sad. They might make us feel bad for a few moments, but then, that’s also part of being human. We cannot always have the same emotion going on inside us, all the time. Emotions change, so do situations. But happiness does not depend upon them. Happiness depends just on me and my desire to be happy. So, I am happy.
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