Life is constantly changing...time is flying by. I look back at the last 6 years, and feel like a nomad. I have been shifting from one place to another, one country to another. I have shuttled between India and Qatar so many times that I wonder how I managed to adjust to so many changes in my life. Well, I think it is pretty simple. One, I really start liking every place I live at. I loved Bangalore, I liked Arizona (where I was only for a few months) and I like Doha too. Two, there are certain constants in my life that made me so secure about life. Who else? My kids, most importantly and also, my family. They have always been there - supporting me, loving me.
Coming back to the kids, it's such a wonder to see them growing so fast. It seems like yesterday when I only had Chunchu and then, Shiku came along; and life was never the same! They both are a handful, in every way. But also, they somehow manage to give me some time to myself when I need it. Having two kids is a blessing in itself. They keep each-other busy, find so many different ways to play and also, fight and resolve amongst themselves. So basically, the parents are able to find some space.
Some really sweet things that my children do are simple things, yet they make a difference to me. They invariably bring a smile to my face and there are so many small moments of gratification and overall content with life. For instance, when I told them I was going to publish my book of stories, Chunchu was like, "Yipee! So now, you will have more stories to narrate to us!" I explained to her that those stories were for grown-ups and she could read them when she grew up. She thought for a moment and said, "OK. But you have to write a book for children's stories also. Would you know how to write stories for children?" I replied, "You know, when you were younger, I used to make up a story every night to tell to you." She felt so glad hearing this, she hugged me and said, "Ohh that's so sweet of you, mama." But the questions were not over yet. She asked, "So when you publish your book, you will be a writer. Then, can you stop going to office and stay at home? Because I think you write stories from home." Well, I was not surprised as she had deduced this from my past conversations with her, but I was taken back by her expectation that I would quit my job as soon as I published my book. So I explained to her that my book should sell and more and more people should read it, like it and buy it. Then, if I meet a publisher who can probably hire me for writing more books, then I would be able to quit. Till then, I have to keep working. She again reflected and said, "OK. You can go to office as long as you like. We are growing up now. We will learn to take care of ourselves." And yes, her approval did matter to me! Finally, after 6 months, she allows me the liberty to choose to work as long as I want. I felt so glad to hear that. I know how tough it had been in these past months when every few days she would ask me if I had decided to quit and when I was going to. Every single thing she didn't like (e.g. having an argument with the nanny), she would blame on the fact that I worked! And I seriously started considering a time frame for my job. Now, I am relieved! But I am scared that once the school reopens, she might go back to the same old question!
Shiku, on the other hand, questions every day surroundings. He is more of an observer, I guess. His questions range from the color of the soap to the writing on the t-shirt to why he has to eat on his own despite being a baby etc etc. Sometimes, he goes from one question to another without waiting for an answer. He usually doesn't bother about my presence or my attention, till Chunchu demands it. When she does, then he realizes he has equal right over me, (even more since he is a baby) and he never lets Chunchu cuddle me for long. Chunchu's argument is "Why is Shiku still a baby when he is 4 years old? He is now a big child! He is only 1.5 years younger to me? How can he be a baby when I am not?" Well, I know she's right. But I guess that's how it is with the younger ones. I explain to her saying that I love them equally but Shiku is a bit naughtier than her. So I need to pay a little more attention to him to keep him safe. All she says is, "Huh!"
That's usually day-to-day things that happen with me and for weeks, the children seem like stuck on pretty much the same things. And then, without my noticing, the questions change, reactions change and I wonder when did they grow up? It's been like that for past six years, and yet my experiences of their first year are as fresh. I look at their pictures of that time, and I wonder how did they ever become so big! And sometimes, I feel like going back to that time and enjoying those days again, perhaps correcting a few mistakes I made as a parent. But then, at that time, I didn't know they were mistakes. I guess parents also keep growing with their children. We also keep learning and I am sure this will continue for the rest of our lives. Our children will always be our inspiration for making us look at the things in a new way, moulding ourselves, changing our thoughts and outlook for them. A day will arrive when the children will go away but will leave us behind with so many wonderful memories and experiences, while they build their own memories and create their own experiences.
Chunchu claimed today that she would love me and her teddy the same as now (meaning that she loves us the most), even when she has her own kids (wonder where did that come from!). And I found myself telling her that everyone loves their own children the most, and she will also do it. I gave her an example of how I loved her and Shiku more than anyone else. But she was not convinced. Well, I am glad she loves me that much now and that's enough. And I am secretly glad that the teddy (to her, it's her daughter, 'Toshi') does not rank above me ;-) It would be heart-breaking to be beaten by a soft toy :-)
Coming back to the kids, it's such a wonder to see them growing so fast. It seems like yesterday when I only had Chunchu and then, Shiku came along; and life was never the same! They both are a handful, in every way. But also, they somehow manage to give me some time to myself when I need it. Having two kids is a blessing in itself. They keep each-other busy, find so many different ways to play and also, fight and resolve amongst themselves. So basically, the parents are able to find some space.
Some really sweet things that my children do are simple things, yet they make a difference to me. They invariably bring a smile to my face and there are so many small moments of gratification and overall content with life. For instance, when I told them I was going to publish my book of stories, Chunchu was like, "Yipee! So now, you will have more stories to narrate to us!" I explained to her that those stories were for grown-ups and she could read them when she grew up. She thought for a moment and said, "OK. But you have to write a book for children's stories also. Would you know how to write stories for children?" I replied, "You know, when you were younger, I used to make up a story every night to tell to you." She felt so glad hearing this, she hugged me and said, "Ohh that's so sweet of you, mama." But the questions were not over yet. She asked, "So when you publish your book, you will be a writer. Then, can you stop going to office and stay at home? Because I think you write stories from home." Well, I was not surprised as she had deduced this from my past conversations with her, but I was taken back by her expectation that I would quit my job as soon as I published my book. So I explained to her that my book should sell and more and more people should read it, like it and buy it. Then, if I meet a publisher who can probably hire me for writing more books, then I would be able to quit. Till then, I have to keep working. She again reflected and said, "OK. You can go to office as long as you like. We are growing up now. We will learn to take care of ourselves." And yes, her approval did matter to me! Finally, after 6 months, she allows me the liberty to choose to work as long as I want. I felt so glad to hear that. I know how tough it had been in these past months when every few days she would ask me if I had decided to quit and when I was going to. Every single thing she didn't like (e.g. having an argument with the nanny), she would blame on the fact that I worked! And I seriously started considering a time frame for my job. Now, I am relieved! But I am scared that once the school reopens, she might go back to the same old question!
Shiku, on the other hand, questions every day surroundings. He is more of an observer, I guess. His questions range from the color of the soap to the writing on the t-shirt to why he has to eat on his own despite being a baby etc etc. Sometimes, he goes from one question to another without waiting for an answer. He usually doesn't bother about my presence or my attention, till Chunchu demands it. When she does, then he realizes he has equal right over me, (even more since he is a baby) and he never lets Chunchu cuddle me for long. Chunchu's argument is "Why is Shiku still a baby when he is 4 years old? He is now a big child! He is only 1.5 years younger to me? How can he be a baby when I am not?" Well, I know she's right. But I guess that's how it is with the younger ones. I explain to her saying that I love them equally but Shiku is a bit naughtier than her. So I need to pay a little more attention to him to keep him safe. All she says is, "Huh!"
That's usually day-to-day things that happen with me and for weeks, the children seem like stuck on pretty much the same things. And then, without my noticing, the questions change, reactions change and I wonder when did they grow up? It's been like that for past six years, and yet my experiences of their first year are as fresh. I look at their pictures of that time, and I wonder how did they ever become so big! And sometimes, I feel like going back to that time and enjoying those days again, perhaps correcting a few mistakes I made as a parent. But then, at that time, I didn't know they were mistakes. I guess parents also keep growing with their children. We also keep learning and I am sure this will continue for the rest of our lives. Our children will always be our inspiration for making us look at the things in a new way, moulding ourselves, changing our thoughts and outlook for them. A day will arrive when the children will go away but will leave us behind with so many wonderful memories and experiences, while they build their own memories and create their own experiences.
Chunchu claimed today that she would love me and her teddy the same as now (meaning that she loves us the most), even when she has her own kids (wonder where did that come from!). And I found myself telling her that everyone loves their own children the most, and she will also do it. I gave her an example of how I loved her and Shiku more than anyone else. But she was not convinced. Well, I am glad she loves me that much now and that's enough. And I am secretly glad that the teddy (to her, it's her daughter, 'Toshi') does not rank above me ;-) It would be heart-breaking to be beaten by a soft toy :-)
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