I have been thinking of writing this tribute since I came to know of the sad news...but I somehow could not bring myself to accept the fact that PK is no more. I mean it was not sudden, I knew this was coming; he was fighting with a fatal disease for so long. But then, he was so young! He has a young daughter and thinking about her makes me cry.
I remember the first time I met PK. He took my interview about two years back. I was struggling to find a good offer and I half expected the interviewer to be as pompous as the others had been...trying to show off their knowledge rather than accessing yours! But he was different; he made me feel comfortable and when I answered a very obvious question incorrectly, he simply stated the facts and explained it to me like a teacher. And I got the job!
Few days later, he came and said hello. That marked the beginning of a friendship to last for the rest of his lifetime, which unfortunately was short. I remember asking him for advice and sharing things with him when I was upset with the boss, the organization, the system etc. He had a remarkable quality of listening whole-heartily and in the end, making it sound so simple. I almost never heard him say anything negative about anything or anyone.
It was a few months before he told me about his illness. I was taken back and I brooded over that for so many days. I wondered where he found the strength from, to deal with what he had been through. And, I asked him one day to tell me all about it. PK and I discussed it so many times and I asked him if he would ever let me write about him. I wanted to spread the positivity he lived with. It was then he confessed that it was painful. It was physically painful and mentally exhausting to go through it every single day of your life. Though at that time PK was healing, he knew cancer could come back. He was still on medication, after going through painful chemo sessions and he was just taking it in his stride to make the most of the time he had. He said he would love to talk to me all about it whenever I was ready to write. And I remember telling him that I would do it when he became absolutely well! That never happened though.
I remember the second time the deadly disease was diagnosed, he had to cut short an overseas assignment and come back to India for treatment. I remembered him telling me that the chemo was really painful and I wished for his fast recovery. When I saw him after he resumed work, it was hard to hold back my tears, and I was able to do it only because I wanted him to believe that I had faith. But that day, I could see what lay ahead. I am sorry to write this but that day I saw death hovering above him. Probably he also knew, because he didn't talk to me candidly about his illness as he used to before. He stopped talking about it and I never wrote that piece we had agreed upon.
PK used to be in my prayers a lot after that. They say that God answers all your unselfish prayers, so I reminded God about this every time I prayed to him for PK. But this prayer went unanswered. I guess I was late in asking Him for PK's long life.
I remember when I resigned from the organization, I told him that he had 2 months (my notice period) to gain back all the weight he had lost. I sincerely wanted to see him healthy before I left the country.
I wrote to him from here and he replied only once. The gap between my email and his response scared me and I prayed to God to not give me any bad news. I was relieved when he wrote back. That was his last email to me, and when I chanced upon it today while cleaning my mailbox, I knew I had to write about him.
I regret I didn't call him the day I went to India. Perhaps I could have spoken to him, maybe not. He was probably hospitalized then. He passed away just 2 days later I landed in India. I came to know through a common friend. The first thing I said was I wished I had made that call. Would it had made any difference? I don't know. I don't even know if he had been in a position to talk, yet I regret it.
I had lost another friend many years back. She still haunts my thoughts every now and then, more so because she wrote her very last letter to me. She told me she was going to kill herself. Only then I knew that how much she had loved me since she remembered me in her last moments. For many years, her memories reassured me when I was sad. But time is a great healer, it makes you forget the pain. So did happen with N. Her memories faded and became less frequent. But I can never forget her completely.
That's the thing about losing someone. When they go away, you might not think of them all the time. But occasionally, they pop up in your mind and you think about what you said to them, what they said to you, what you did together, how nice they were, how they affected you and how they touched something inside you. And then, in cases like PK, you also think about the ones they left behind. You understand their loss and their pain and you pray that God gives them enough strength to deal with it.
All I can say right now is rest in peace, my friend, PK. I am sure you will be fondly remembered by many.
I remember the first time I met PK. He took my interview about two years back. I was struggling to find a good offer and I half expected the interviewer to be as pompous as the others had been...trying to show off their knowledge rather than accessing yours! But he was different; he made me feel comfortable and when I answered a very obvious question incorrectly, he simply stated the facts and explained it to me like a teacher. And I got the job!
Few days later, he came and said hello. That marked the beginning of a friendship to last for the rest of his lifetime, which unfortunately was short. I remember asking him for advice and sharing things with him when I was upset with the boss, the organization, the system etc. He had a remarkable quality of listening whole-heartily and in the end, making it sound so simple. I almost never heard him say anything negative about anything or anyone.
It was a few months before he told me about his illness. I was taken back and I brooded over that for so many days. I wondered where he found the strength from, to deal with what he had been through. And, I asked him one day to tell me all about it. PK and I discussed it so many times and I asked him if he would ever let me write about him. I wanted to spread the positivity he lived with. It was then he confessed that it was painful. It was physically painful and mentally exhausting to go through it every single day of your life. Though at that time PK was healing, he knew cancer could come back. He was still on medication, after going through painful chemo sessions and he was just taking it in his stride to make the most of the time he had. He said he would love to talk to me all about it whenever I was ready to write. And I remember telling him that I would do it when he became absolutely well! That never happened though.
I remember the second time the deadly disease was diagnosed, he had to cut short an overseas assignment and come back to India for treatment. I remembered him telling me that the chemo was really painful and I wished for his fast recovery. When I saw him after he resumed work, it was hard to hold back my tears, and I was able to do it only because I wanted him to believe that I had faith. But that day, I could see what lay ahead. I am sorry to write this but that day I saw death hovering above him. Probably he also knew, because he didn't talk to me candidly about his illness as he used to before. He stopped talking about it and I never wrote that piece we had agreed upon.
PK used to be in my prayers a lot after that. They say that God answers all your unselfish prayers, so I reminded God about this every time I prayed to him for PK. But this prayer went unanswered. I guess I was late in asking Him for PK's long life.
I remember when I resigned from the organization, I told him that he had 2 months (my notice period) to gain back all the weight he had lost. I sincerely wanted to see him healthy before I left the country.
I wrote to him from here and he replied only once. The gap between my email and his response scared me and I prayed to God to not give me any bad news. I was relieved when he wrote back. That was his last email to me, and when I chanced upon it today while cleaning my mailbox, I knew I had to write about him.
I regret I didn't call him the day I went to India. Perhaps I could have spoken to him, maybe not. He was probably hospitalized then. He passed away just 2 days later I landed in India. I came to know through a common friend. The first thing I said was I wished I had made that call. Would it had made any difference? I don't know. I don't even know if he had been in a position to talk, yet I regret it.
I had lost another friend many years back. She still haunts my thoughts every now and then, more so because she wrote her very last letter to me. She told me she was going to kill herself. Only then I knew that how much she had loved me since she remembered me in her last moments. For many years, her memories reassured me when I was sad. But time is a great healer, it makes you forget the pain. So did happen with N. Her memories faded and became less frequent. But I can never forget her completely.
That's the thing about losing someone. When they go away, you might not think of them all the time. But occasionally, they pop up in your mind and you think about what you said to them, what they said to you, what you did together, how nice they were, how they affected you and how they touched something inside you. And then, in cases like PK, you also think about the ones they left behind. You understand their loss and their pain and you pray that God gives them enough strength to deal with it.
All I can say right now is rest in peace, my friend, PK. I am sure you will be fondly remembered by many.
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ReplyDeleteIt's Touching!!RIP PK.
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